life has been easy for you, she said.

she has been a good friend from high school till today. unfortunately, we lost contact when i graduated four years ago. both of us went to our own directions until recently, we managed to contact each other via facebook and made known that she is working just a stone throw away from where i’m studying now.

we shared secrets during our teenage days, mostly on boys. we did stupid things together too, like spent the whole day went in and out of each shop in klcc and bought the silliest, cheapest item just to collect the paperbags. sometimes we shared our lunch or dinner. and sometimes, we shared my bed and she will hijack my pillow when she spent a night at my room back in the uni.

we’ve grown up now. unraveling the inner feminism within us.

a little dash of maturity because we are still the giddy and fun girls we used to be, hehe

a merely two hours spent in catching up with life that we each other missed for the past four years over lunch were not enough. knowing that we are at par; education and career wise. we both have good family backgrounds, i knew her mother and she knew mine. but she lost in her relationship.

no, this is not a competition between me and her.

i guess, i was just being lucky, i said.

i wasn’t being arrogant nor showing off that i am someone’s fiance and marriage is just around the corner.

i was there, being the old friend that she knew. for being her support and giving her courage that life will not end just because a guy dumped her for another girl. we have other problems which we have think about in life.

guys are only side dishes to the chicken on the plate.

how do you become so strong? she sobbed.

she sees me as the one who giggles a lot, or the girl who never cries. she said, i didn’t change a thing even physically. except that i have grown emotionally strong. inside, i am still vulnerable and brittle too. but i never wanted anyone to see this. i want to be strong for the people around me and let them see me as a person whom they can count on.

i don’t have much friends  but i really appreciate those who think i am one. i could not repay with money but at least, i could be the shoulder for them to cry on.

easier said than done, friend. i replied.

positivity shapes the strong me today. i know, some of you may have gone through worst phase of your life, thus, i am talking and judging based only on my experiences. because i have no rights to judge yours. but please, do not hesitate to comment if you agree or disagree with any of my sayings.

i didn’t say forgetting someone and letting go all those bitter sweet memories could be done in a day.

i didn’t say that mending a broken heart is as easy as stitching a torn pants.

i didn’t against crying.

i didn’t object of having that wishful thinking that some day the guy will come back, bend on his knees, apologizes and the next day, you are back together again. crap.

i have been through all these shit. i recovered from my depression gradually. and  concurrently, i started to develop the positivity in me. its not easy to just brush things off without a strong mind control. there are times when we hit rock bottom and there is no harm in crying just to make us feel better.

but people said, the right one will come to you.

yes, someday.

but, we are told to work for it.

indeed. opening up ourselves to chances and opportunities is one of the option.

how?

there are so many possibilities in life that we do not know how Allah works His way. as a Muslim, gaining something should be through the effort and in parallel with our du’a.

eventually, your soul mate will come to you effortlessly.

but remember, its the friends that stick with you the whole time.

He knows best. just believe and have your faith in Him.

we parted ways.

wow..its been a while, right? hehe sorry, been terribly busy with so many events happening in life lately. fortunately, yes, i’ll repeat that, FORTUNATELY i managed to squeeze in some time to go for a quick holiday to Langka-weeeeee!! hehe

it wasn’t really a holiday because abah was supposed to be on a work trip there but we tailed along with a lame reason that it has been almost 15 years we haven’t been there. so, abah let us join him but on one condition, i have to drive up north. not a sweat abah! haha

well, we were also lucky to stay in a hotel by the seaside. however, it was quite far from the nearest town, and of course foooooood.. =( transportation is not quite a problem there, where you can either ring a taxi to pick you up from the hotel or you can just rent a car at the jetty or the airport.

shopping is just heaven there especially those who intend to furnish your kitchen with Corelle dining sets or Tefal cooking wares hehe but i was so indulged with buying those chocolates which are so much much cheaper than KL. yupp, i’ve done my shopping there hehe

i grabbed my camera

bare feet, i ran to the white sandy beach

scattered broken shells hurt my feet

the sea breeze swept my hair all over the face

luckily the sun ray did not intimidate my skin

for i forgot my sunscreen!

i stopped at where the sea meets the shore

i photographed my feet when the wave came crushing

the water pulled back and i felt like sinking

the water was clear

i could see grains of sand all over my feet

i continued running and kicking the water

leaving behind trail of my footsteps

and let the white bubbles of wave wash them away

baby crabs running around the shore

drilling into the sand seeking refuge when i chase to catch them

yes, distance does make the heart grow fonder

so i arranged the shells to form the word “LOVE”

i took a picture and technology helped me to send it to you

pondering God’s nature

seeking the definition of beauty

as far as the eyes could see

the world has no boundary

as it does not end at where the sea meets the sky

so do these hopes, these dreams.

L.O.V.E

beautiful

yeah, it felt so poetic when i was just chilling by the seaside but too bad i didn’t have any writing material. i just buried my feet in the white cool sands while taking pictures of anything and relating them with the words that came across my mind. so now i am penning them down, before i forgot any of those.

behind the viewfinder, i photographed the world

from another perspective

an object isn’t really a subject

there lies a story behind it

captured

till then, gotta get back to work. been procrastinating much now. bye bye!

currently i’m doing some readings and searching on the internet for articles, journals or e-books relating to maintenance management for my chapter 2, literature review. i’m studying building maintenance management, particularly on the maintenance costs in administration buildings in malaysia for my dissertation.

i’m due to submit the draft in mid december. gosh! that’ll be one and a half month to go. i am not more than 20 per cent of progress.

argghhhhhh!!!

you know what, i am not much of a procrastinator. but..you know, when you are reading something so deep and intense and so literature-y, you’ll tend to be very sleepy, right? sometimes, it may looked like i’m so focused reading the paragraphs, trying to extract points from the article; eyeballs rolling from left to right and down to the beginning of the sentence again, left to right and down, left to right and down…

left to right and down..

left to right and down….

and not knowing that the eyelids are half shut and droopy..the mind is already wandering elsewhere..

zzZZzzZZzz..

THUDD!! my pencil case dropped because my hand accidentally, unconsciously knocked it down and THAT woke me up from that slumber!

yeah, its that critical. is it? hehe anyway, to avoid from this situation to repeat, i turned on the radio loud enough for my next door neighbour to bang on my door and tell me to shut it up. kidding! hehe

sometimes, i’ll smash some dinosaur eggs on the computer or serve some sushis on the ipod to refresh the brain and feast the eyes to vibrant colours other than the black alphabets all over the white screen. it is so boring!

or, i’ll surf the net google-ing for references or things associated with wedding prep (which is next on the list of the-things-to-be-worried). or enjoyed reading blogs. this is so addictive and distracting! i need to get back on track, the right track!

i really wanna write my paper but i can’t ..you know, you need that mood or a state of a feeling that makes you so enthusiast to write. when the ideas are really flowing and you need to quickly type them out or you’ll spill and waste those creative juices away.

unfortunately, i didn’t happen now. so, to swallow my guilt of not being able to perform my actual intention (read: as of right now), i ended up updating this blog. and i won’t sound guilty enough when the fiance called up to ask my whatabouts.

“what are you doing?”

“writing..”

“good!”

or, when mama and abah peeked in to check out what i’m doing..

“what are you doing?”

“writing..”

“good!”

heyy this works! hehe but i guess, i still have to write, right?

ok! no more procrastinating, or delaying, or stalling, or buying any time..let’s write baby!!!!

till then!!

yeah, i’ve changed the theme (again!) for a fresher look hehe and its pink! cuteness! hehe anyway, sorry for the long disappearance due to those four major things that i have to worry (refer previous post if you are diligent enough hehe)

last weekend my fiance and i went to our pre-marriage course. its a compulsory or as in the contract term it is a “condition precedent” to getting married since we have to attach the certificate alongside with other forms (to get married). it was a beneficial one and half day course. nothing much, just choose the most comfortable seat you could find and listen to the motivators talk for 2 hours for each session. there’ll be six sessions altogether and breaks in between for lunch or tea and solat, of course.

some people relates pre-marriage courses to “sex” courses because from what i heard, sometimes the motivators gave examples relate to “that” which might offend you. and of course, somehow rather i have that perceptions too. i dont know, maybe it depends on which area/course you attend and who the motivators are. but for me, i was wrong. when i went through those talks, it opened up my eyes to how beautiful marriage will be in the future.

no doubt that sex is one of the essence in marriage and the motivators also did not against to sex is one the ways for couples to make up from the arguments or as a technique of persuasions (haha!) it wouldn’t be that gross anymore once you are married, right?

gosh! i’m so sorry for having a moment of awkwardness of discussing about this matter. for i do not have the experiences yet, so i will end it here. thousand apologies for that. gosh, i’m blushing!

………. ok, lets move on to other issues shall we?

those motivators/facilitators from the course that i went were very professional and knowledgeable because some of them have backgrounds as counselors at the religious department. they gave us recipes of happiness on how to make our marriage lasts long and of course, blessed by Allah. it may be in the ways of communication, toleration and understanding between the two; husband and wife. i truly respect them because they do not talk cheap as they talked based on their own experiences or they encounter experiences from people they have consulted/advised.

they can’t really teach us the steps on what to do when husband and wife argue. or neither can they write a manual on how to treat the husband/wife. but they could help in guiding us with doa’ and shared some of their experiences, in hope that the participants could make it as “lessons learned”. toleration and understanding is the key to any marriages, by any means of communication. but it’ll all depends on the couples on how and where will they lead the marriage life.

they stressed a lot on divorces because the rates are increasing from year to year and very worrying. quoted from riwayat abu daud dan ibn majah,

perbuatan halal yang paling dibenci oleh Allah ialah perceraian.

(the permissible act that Allah hated the most is divorce)

arguments are normal in every marriage. but we were told to be very careful with words. remember toleration and of course, patience? yes, this has been stressed in every session by each motivator. despite of any hardship in your marriage, being financial as one of the reasons leading to divorces, the motivators advised the participants to always be strong for each other and it is harus for the wife to help the husband if she is capable.

just to share, one of the motivators told us to always read surah al-waqiah to avoid poverty and surah yasin or ayat seribu dinar for wealth and prosper.

you may read this post and smirk, with a remark that i’m still young and know nothing yet about this marriage thingy. yupp, i admit, i have no hands-on experiences on these marriage matters yet. but, by listening to those talks, insya allah, God’s willing, both of us will work the best for our marriage to last to the end.

ohh, just to share a bit. yesterday, my mama and i went for breast scanning at a hospital. one of our neighbour introduced to the ladies of the neighbourhood of a latest technology for early detection of breast cancer. unfortunately, when we were at the hospital, the machine took such a long time to scan all thirty of us within a day. thus, all of us just did ultrasound. but my point here is that, some doctors/nurses/staffs might complain due to working long hours, having no rest due to attending patients.

people come to the hospital with health problems, be it minor or major. no one likes to go to the hospital to just visit and look around the building and greet the doctors/nurses. that’ll be an asylum then. anyway, civilians go to the hospitals with worries in their head and burden on their shoulders. they want to seek for medical advice. but, how would you feel when doctors/nurses/staffs took you for granted for your minor or mere problems?

isn’t it frustrating? we do not know what’s in our body. we’ll be worried sick if its just a minor pain in stomach, or just a little cut at the finger. we need advice and attention of the medical experts, right? don’t feel offended if its not you, not all doctors/nurses/staffs having these attitude. some are very diligent and dedicated to their work and patients cos i know a handful who are.

patients are patients. please attend to them no matter how silly their problem is.

by the way, the result of scanning is normal (for now) cos we don’t know what future lies for us, right?

till then,  take care!

feels like i have not been writing in here for quite some time. since i can’t really sleep tonight, i decided that lets just stay up for a while and write a thing or two here..

as you can read in my previous post, i’m engaged to the man i truly love. who would expect the boy  who used to be my classmate and also once an “enemy” (hehe) would be the soul mate. everything is so unexpected, i must say. we never contacted each other after graduation (more or less three years) but yet, we got acquainted in a very short period of time. i was also shocked on how mama and abah responded so well when i took him home to meet the parents. he is a soft-hearted gentleman and such a sweet talker too! he’s my strength now. i truly am grateful that God has created such a beautiful way and let me take a long path before meeting him, who is just next door.

alhamdulillah, everything went well although it was a very very simple occasion but the crowd that came who made it merrier. honestly, i really feel blessed because the long awaited love that i have been praying for all this while is now mine. the parents blessed our relationship.

we’ve also been advised by the elders to take care of ourselves during this “darah manis” phase. not to go out much. take care of each other’s feelings, especially. respect, toleration and mutual understanding would really come in handy during this period of time. insya allah, till death do us part.

moving on..

i have four major things to worry.

the first two major things: currently i have two part time jobs, at flexible time with so-so payrolls. yeah, it might sounds easy but hell no, they took a lot of my time. although i don’t really have to go to the office much but still i have to stay in touch with the work at home. internet connection is vital to me to access the email, etc. but this will only last till the end of the year. and i really need a job because first, abah will be super duper angry if i’m jobless; second, i, myself needs to maintain and remain my sanity by working or else i’ll be dumb!; and finally, i need money to get married!

please, anybody out there, if you have any job vacancies, please share it with me, ok! thank you!

the third major thing: my thesis writing! i have to have it done by january, which means, i only have three months to go to collect and analyse data, and write them all up! GOSHHH!! i am kinda ambitious to have this thesis to be a very practical write-up. but due to time constraint, i don’t know how far could i go, or it’ll be just another collection of thesis writing.

i hope, pray and will do the best.

and the final major thing: of course, the wedding preparation! i never thought that i would come to this stage, to the extent of being someone’s wife (to-be). and to worry about all these preparations. i enjoyed weddings so much, especially helping out my brother’s and cousins’ weddings. staying up late with all the cousins and aunties with all the itsy bitsy things that makes a wedding so meaningful to the bride and groom. but having my own wedding?! i thought i’ll just be dreaming! haha! although my fiance and i have quite ample time to prepare for our day, but some things need to be done now. surveying for boutiques, cameraman, catering, etc. (and the list goes on) would also requires some patience and..we’ve got to be ready for some arguments too! (hehe)

i’m glad that mama and abah are still be able to help me out with the preparations and everything. i know, how excited they are. i want them to be satisfied and happy with every money, sweat and tears that they have spent for this preparations are worthy.

i only said to mama, “ma, just do whatever you like; whatever colour you want, whatever concept or theme, just about everything, please do the honour of choosing them as you wish. i want it to be your dream wedding. i’ll be happy as much as you are.“

seriously, i don’t mind at all. i want my mama and abah to be my wedding planner. such a baby me hehe!

ok then, its getting late. thought of doing some thinking for my thesis writing, but yeah, i’ve done my part on just thinking about it haha! ok, ok, got to be serious on this but lets just sleep now and continue with the worries tomorrow hehe

till then, bye!